4th of July
by Sam.J.Eller
Summary: Sam and Dean are both reminded why the 4th of July is their favorite holiday, as they celebrate it together. Tired/Caring/Sam and Sad/Caring/Dean. Both brothers still mourning their father's death. Season 1/2. One-Shot.


Note: I'm Canadian and this particular holiday really doesn't mean a thing to me, but it means something to the Winchester Brothers, so I wrote a fic. Enjoy!

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"This is stupid."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah it is, we have more important things we could be doing."

"There is always more important things to be doing, that doesn't mean we can't take a break every now and again. You're the one who taught me that."

"Ha! And since when did you start listening to me?"

"Since right now."

I rolled my eyes at my little brother's cheeky smile.

We were seated on the hood of the Impala, in the middle of the field, waiting for fireworks.

Sam assured me that we were facing the proper direction to see the firework show that would be going on at the park, which was located on the opposite side of the tree line that we were currently staring at.

"This is stupid." I muttered for what must have been the fifth time.

"Shut-up and eat your damn burger, Dean." Sam ordered.

"Eat your own burger." I replied petulantly.

My brother rolled his eyes, releasing an exasperated sigh as he shook his head, long hair swinging back and forth in front of his face.

I knew that I was being an ass, but this was just so stupid.

We had better things to do.

There were monsters to be hunted, cases to be solved, and fuglies to be killed. However, instead of doing our jobs, we were just sitting and waiting for some lame light show.

I glanced over to my right at Sam, my mood brightening at the sight of the lanky, shaggy-headed young man.

I grimaced at the sight of the fading bruises on his face and the dark smudges beneath his eyes, as I took in his worn-out posture as well.

I hadn't been paying as much attention to the kid as I normally did, with everything that had been going on, and the all-consuming last words of my father that had been dictating my mind, I had failed to notice the exhausted state of my little brother.

I had been running Sammy pretty hard for the last couple months, ever since Dad...

Well anyways, the kid deserved a break. And he was right, I had been the one always harassing him to make time between jobs for fun.

It figures that the brat wouldn't bother to learn that lesson until having fun was pretty much the last damn thing I wanted to do.

But Sam deserved a break, and he seemed pretty excited for these fireworks, so I would try not to be entirely miserable.

I took another large bite of my burger and watched as Sam's hazel eyes scanned the sky, while he eagerly awaited what was to come.

"You know you have seen fireworks before right?" I asked, not understanding exactly what had the kid so pumped.

"Yeah I know, but it's been awhile." He replied.

"They happen every year." I pointed out, trying not to sound as cynical as I was tempted to.

"I know." Sam stated simply.

We sat in silence, my brother's gaze trained on the sky as I finished my meal, my mind turning all the while.

"Didn't you see them last year?" I questioned.

Sam shook his head to indicate the negative.

"Seriously? They didn't have fireworks at Stanford?"

"They had them."

I didn't often bring up the time my brother spent at school, knowing it was a bit of a soar spot for the both of us.

I always listened when Sam would speak about things that had happened while he was off living the college-life, always content to learn about what the kid had been up to during those years, but never wanting to pry.

Except for now, apparently.

"So you never went to see any? Not once while you were there?"

"No." Sam answered easily.

"No way, I don't believe it. There must have been parties with fireworks and free booze and hot girls every July 4th."

"There were. I just never went to any."

"Never, not one?" I asked.

I mean sure Sam could be a total buzz kill, but I knew how he loved this holiday and I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't bother celebrating it when the opportunity was so nicely presented.

"Not one."

I frowned at the new information. The kid was practically giddy to see the fireworks that were supposed to be appearing tonight, and yet he hadn't bothered to put in the effort to see them while at Standford?

I didn't get it.

"Jess tried to drag me once." Sam confessed softly.

I perked up at that. My brother rarely spoke of Jessica, and even though now he was able to mention her without tearing up, it was still a sensitive wound that had yet to heal completely.

The truth was, it would probably never heal completely.

"Yeah?" I encouraged, wondering if there was more to the story.

"Yeah." Sam sighed, his stare distant as he seemed to lose himself in his memories.

"Why didn't you go?" I inquired, treading carefully.

My brother shrugged, ducking his head in that shy, childish way that always took me back about a decade to when he had been a little shrimp.

"I bet you were too busy doing the homework you got from all those summer courses you took." I guessed, knowing from the smirk on my little brother's face that I was at least partially correct.

"Yeah I took summer courses." He admitted.

"Dork." I chuckled, glad that I still knew my kid as well as I always thought I had.

"And I had homework, but that's not why I never went to the parties or the fireworks or any of that stuff."

"Well than why?" I wondered in genuine curiosity.

Sam shrugged, looking away, refusing to meet my questioning stare.

"You just weren't in the mood? Did the 4th of July always come during your time of the month Samantha?" I joked, a sly grin on my face.

Sam rolled his eyes, like I knew he would, but still neglected to offer a response.

"Oh come on man, you dragged me all the way out here and made me sit and stare into the dark for the past hour, the least you can do is tell me why you didn't go see fireworks while you were at school." I declared.

It may have seemed like a pretty insignificant matter, but I didn't like not knowing things about my little brother.

Sam released a put-upon sigh before finally glancing my way, his face an embarrassed shade of red as he spoke.

"It was our holiday, you know? It just didn't feel right celebrating it without you."

I didn't know what answer I had been expecting, but that sure as hell was not it.

I found my throat closing up as I fought to keep girlie emotions from overwhelming me. I looked aimlessly around the field as I struggled to gain some self-control.

That kid.

That damn kid.

How did he do that?

How did he always have the ability to make my heart clench with one simple statement?

How did he always manage to pull my emotions to the surface so easily, even after I had spent the past couple months burying them deep inside myself.

I casually cleared my throat before speaking.

"Well you could have celebrated it. It would have been okay with me." I said.

"I know." He shrugged. "But it wouldn't have been the same."

"But dude, it's like your favourite holiday." I pointed out.

"Yeah, but that's not because of the parties, or even because of the fireworks."

I glanced at Sam, my eyebrows raised. What was he talking about? The little dork loved fireworks.

My brother met my gaze, trapping my attention with his soulful puppy dog eyes as he continued.

"It's always been my favourite holiday because it's our holiday, Dean. Every year we always spent the day together, finding something fun to do. It's always been my favourite holiday because you always made it special. And without you around...it just... it didn't mean as much. It didn't mean anything really. It just made me miss you" Sam confessed, his voice oozing sincerity as he focused on me.

I had always marvelled at my kid brother's ability to wear his heart on his sleeve and let his feelings just poor out.

I had never been able to do that.

I wasn't able to tell Sam that I had tried my best to avoid every 4th of July that we spent apart, and that if I wasn't able to forget about the day, I would find a hunt to throw myself into as a distraction, or find a bar where I could drown out the memories in my head.

I wasn't able to tell him that every year on this particular holiday, I had missed him like crazy. That I hadn't been unable to spend the day with anyone else, because they weren't my little brother. That I hadn't celebrated the 4th of July without him. Not once.

I wasn't able to tell Sam that the fact that he missed me every year on this holiday just as much as I had missed him, meant _everything_ to me.

I wasn't able to tell him all that, all the thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart, because I wasn't like Sam.

I didn't have his kind of strength.

"Missed you to Sammy." I declared gruffly, patting my brother's bony knee and not failing to notice the warm smile that spread across the young man's face or the fact that he didn't bother correcting the nickname.

My short comment didn't seem to be enough, but it was all I could trust myself to manage without totally cracking up, and it seemed to be all that my little brother needed to hear.

I pulled my gaze away from the watery hazel orbs that were trying to suck me even deeper into the chick-flick moment we had created.

"You sure we're in the right spot?" I asked, looking to the sky and sending the lanky man next to me a curious glance.

"Yup." He rasped, clearing his throat as he discretely rubbed his eyes.

"Whatever you say, college boy." I quipped, smirking at the exasperated huff that came from Sam.

We sat for a few more moments in comfortable silence, and just as I was about to triple check that my brother was sure we were in the proper location, there was an explosion of both light and sound.

I watched as the night sky was lit with a multitude of colours, one barely having time to fade away before another took it's place.

Fireworks were just as captivating as I had remembered, but they weren't the sight that I recalled most clearly about our past 4th of July celebrations.

I looked to my right, seeing the young man's face glowing brighter than the sky.

 _That_ was the sight I remembered most clearly.

I leaned back against the Impala, and observed the gleeful state of my little brother.

Sam had always been enamoured by fireworks, from the first time he saw them he had always stared in amazement, as though the explosions of colour were some inexplicable form of magic.

A look of awe never failed to dawn on the kid's face every 4th of July.

And for one brief moment of the year, Sam would be filled with a childish sense of wonder and excitement.

For that one moment he wasn't weighed down by expectations, fears, or worries.

For that one brief moment he would look like the care-free, joyful, young boy I had always wanted him to be.

And _that_ was why 4th of July had always been my favourite holiday.

I let my body relax as I enjoyed the moment.

Sure, our problems hadn't faded away as swiftly as the sparks falling from the sky, but in that exact moment, life was good.

My little brother was safe and happy.

My baby was running smoothly.

Sam and I were a team again.

And even though we may have officially become orphans, we were not alone.

We still had each other.

And that was all either of us had ever needed in order to make it through.

 **The End**

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Note: Thanks for reading! I really hope someone likes it because I stayed up absurdly late writing it. Please comment/review if you have a moment, I would really appreciate it!. - Sam


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